I should have posted the night I passed so that I could accurately convey the feeling of euphoria I felt. It was incredible.
I made myself nearly ill with all the studying to the point that I was dizzy when I entered the testing site. After checking my driver's license and giving me a key to a small locker, I was instructed to remove my watch and put all of my belongings into the locker and then walk into the testing room with license in hand. I was placed in a partitioned cubicle with a desktop computer. People sat on both sides of me but we could not see each other. I took a deep breath and saw that my name and test were displayed on the screen. I then started the test. Initially the black text shimmered before me. It was difficult to focus. I read through the first few questions and honestly began to panic. I did not know the answers. At least I did not think I did. I predicted failure which is a weakness of mine. I could not have studied harder but I still doubted myself. After a few more minutes of intense dread, I told myself that I did not want to have to EVER study for this certification again and that I had better get it together. So I did. And I found out my results right after the exam. I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I was so worn out from the stress that I actually laid down for bed at 9pm which is rare for me since I am a night owl.
It feels great to have my time back and not be constantly worried about having to study or take notes. I feel so proud of myself for passing. It's a difficult cert to obtain and I still cannot really believe that I have it now.
The best part is that I feel blessed today. Blessed because of all the kind words that were spoken to me before I took the test. The genuine well wishing made me feel abundant. Friends of mine sent me texts telling me they were thinking of me and wished me luck. The thing is, had I not shared by struggles with them, they would never have known and I would never have been able to receive these blessings.
I truly believe that the well wishing helped propel me to success. So now, I am sending these same feelings of success to my friend who is taking the same exam tomorrow.
Good luck my friend. I will be thinking of you.
C.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Gratitude
I woke up this morning feeling grateful. So, I wanted to write this down as I am feeling it and then save it so that I can look at it again when I am feeling not so grateful.
Feeling calm, feeling peaceful. I am grateful for the small things like clean laundry, a roof over my head and the possibility of more. The trick is to try and stay in this feeling because in my life I have found that as soon as I stop worrying and I mean really just letting it go, things get better. I know it's not an accident yet I find myself in the same pattern. It's common for people who grew up poor to feel stuck in that cycle yet I look around me and I have a lot. I really do.
I remember my mother sitting at the kitchen table when I was younger writing out her list of bills and watching her become so stressed out. She would scribble numbers and then scratch things off as the balance got lower and lower. We also had a "bill"drawer in the kitchen. Why even name a drawer something so miserable? But that is where she would stuff all of the unopened phone, electric, gas, water bills. My mom and step dad would procrastinate to the point where all of the above would get shut off. Imagine waking up to a cold, dark house and then trying to flush the toilet. As bad as it was, most of it was probably avoidable. But the worry got in the way. They would go out to the bars instead of dealing with reality. They were always borrowing money yet still behind on the mortgage. And I inherited this mentality. Except I do pay my bills but work myself into a frenzy at times worrying about it all because the fact is that not only do I have a lot, I have too much. I invited this stress into my life.
So, I take a deep breath and make sure that my money corner is clear. What's a money corner? Why it's the left corner of a room silly. You must put green or red in the corner and keep it clean so money flows to you. This is called feng shui and I must be doing it wrong because it only works some of the time it seems. My kids don't understand why I have a fit when they move the fake green plant off the chair in the kitchen corner. I say nothing because I don't want to pass on my neurosis about the whole concept of "lack" in life. They just think I like order. Or that I am nuts.
I have this dream of walking along the beach. I am older. My kids are grown. I am walking with my husband and some good friends, our best friends. Our days revolve around either deep discussions about life or laughing like hell at the memories we have created. This is where I hope to be one day.
Maybe life is about opening ourselves up to peace, to being grateful. There will always be things to worry about. Some people think it’s a choice. I don't think this is true. I don’t think people really choose to be miserable. I think, like me they get stuck and forget how good it feels to well, feel good.
Feel good people.
C.
Feeling calm, feeling peaceful. I am grateful for the small things like clean laundry, a roof over my head and the possibility of more. The trick is to try and stay in this feeling because in my life I have found that as soon as I stop worrying and I mean really just letting it go, things get better. I know it's not an accident yet I find myself in the same pattern. It's common for people who grew up poor to feel stuck in that cycle yet I look around me and I have a lot. I really do.
I remember my mother sitting at the kitchen table when I was younger writing out her list of bills and watching her become so stressed out. She would scribble numbers and then scratch things off as the balance got lower and lower. We also had a "bill"drawer in the kitchen. Why even name a drawer something so miserable? But that is where she would stuff all of the unopened phone, electric, gas, water bills. My mom and step dad would procrastinate to the point where all of the above would get shut off. Imagine waking up to a cold, dark house and then trying to flush the toilet. As bad as it was, most of it was probably avoidable. But the worry got in the way. They would go out to the bars instead of dealing with reality. They were always borrowing money yet still behind on the mortgage. And I inherited this mentality. Except I do pay my bills but work myself into a frenzy at times worrying about it all because the fact is that not only do I have a lot, I have too much. I invited this stress into my life.
So, I take a deep breath and make sure that my money corner is clear. What's a money corner? Why it's the left corner of a room silly. You must put green or red in the corner and keep it clean so money flows to you. This is called feng shui and I must be doing it wrong because it only works some of the time it seems. My kids don't understand why I have a fit when they move the fake green plant off the chair in the kitchen corner. I say nothing because I don't want to pass on my neurosis about the whole concept of "lack" in life. They just think I like order. Or that I am nuts.
I have this dream of walking along the beach. I am older. My kids are grown. I am walking with my husband and some good friends, our best friends. Our days revolve around either deep discussions about life or laughing like hell at the memories we have created. This is where I hope to be one day.
Maybe life is about opening ourselves up to peace, to being grateful. There will always be things to worry about. Some people think it’s a choice. I don't think this is true. I don’t think people really choose to be miserable. I think, like me they get stuck and forget how good it feels to well, feel good.
Feel good people.
C.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Happy New Year and a Message for You
Here is my first post for the New Year.
It's 2am in the morning and for anyone who reads this, I want to tell you this one thing :
Hold on.
I am up at 2am because I cannot sleep. Like many, I am worried about the economy, worried about my house, worried about my family. "Logic" tells me to give in to this worry but something else inside me is telling me to hold on. I cannot explain it. It's just a feeling. It makes no logical sense because I "should" be worried. But I am starting to rebel and usually for me this means change is coming. Positive change.
Change is scary and it's hard but if you block out all of the "what if's" and just focus on what your gut is trying to tell you, I think you will be just fine. I don't have very much money to give but I wanted to give something. I offer some positive thoughts and encouragement to anyone who needs it.
Reading other's blogs has given me the inspiration to start my own. So thank you, to all of the bloggers out there who share their life with us. You make us laugh, you make us think, and most importantly I think, you give us hope that a collective spirit exits of wanting to connect in a positive way. The blogs are real, the people are real and I think the stories are real. So when you are burned out on the news sites reporting on incessant negativity, read a blog.
Feel better.
C.
It's 2am in the morning and for anyone who reads this, I want to tell you this one thing :
Hold on.
I am up at 2am because I cannot sleep. Like many, I am worried about the economy, worried about my house, worried about my family. "Logic" tells me to give in to this worry but something else inside me is telling me to hold on. I cannot explain it. It's just a feeling. It makes no logical sense because I "should" be worried. But I am starting to rebel and usually for me this means change is coming. Positive change.
Change is scary and it's hard but if you block out all of the "what if's" and just focus on what your gut is trying to tell you, I think you will be just fine. I don't have very much money to give but I wanted to give something. I offer some positive thoughts and encouragement to anyone who needs it.
Reading other's blogs has given me the inspiration to start my own. So thank you, to all of the bloggers out there who share their life with us. You make us laugh, you make us think, and most importantly I think, you give us hope that a collective spirit exits of wanting to connect in a positive way. The blogs are real, the people are real and I think the stories are real. So when you are burned out on the news sites reporting on incessant negativity, read a blog.
Feel better.
C.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
