Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Possibilities?

I received my blood test results this past Friday. My cholesterol is high and so are my triglycerides. And the voice of the youngish girl that gave me the results still rings in my head. She had a midwestern accent. "Don't eat Faattty foods or friied foods".
"I really don't" I wanted to reply. Or not as often as one would think. Needless to say I went home from work depressed and spent Friday night searching the net for ways to lower my cholesterol. Many of the meal suggestions I have already incorporated so now what? I have been exercising almost every day for at least for 60 minutes.

Then yesterday, I received another call from my doctor's office. I started to interrupt the girl thinking that she did not know that someone had already given me my results. "No", she said. "Your TSH levels came back". "Which are?" I asked. "Your thyroid", she said.

So my TSH levels are very high which indicate an underactive thyroid but my doctor wants me to get retested in 2 weeks just to make sure the results were not a "fluke". Honestly I was relieved to hear these results. I did some searching and it turns out that high cholesterol and hypothyroidism (underactive) go hand in hand. Many report that with thyroid medication not only do their TSH levels drop, but so does cholesterol (and weight!).

I know I need to confirm all of this with my doctor but this condition would explain a lot. Since I turned 35 almost 4 years ago, I have steadily gained 10 pounds a year with relatively little change in my diet. I know, I know about aging and the correlation of weight gain but 10lbs a year is a lot in my opinion.

So hear are some other symptoms with hypothyroidism that I have suffered with especially the last few years that I just chalked up to age and diet:

  • constipation (sorry folks but it's the truth)
  • heavier periods (I had my tubes tied and this is one of the side affects)
  • fatigue (let's face it- most working moms are tired and I am no exception)
  • high cholesterol
  • low blood pressure ( actually a good thing, relatively speaking)
  • weight gain (thyroid regulates metabolism and when it's underactive, metabolism slows down)
  • irritability

I am going back to the doctor's next week and will send an update at the end of the week if my results come back. The last thing I want is to be put on medication but if helps fix things, I would be very grateful)

C.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I've Joined A Gym

I will try to keep this as brief as possible. A while back I had posted my weight and desire to lose what is to me a lot of weight - 30-35lbs.

So, this past Saturday I joined a gym primarily because I have been angry at my husband and still sort of am. It's private and I won't post it here but suffice it to say that our issues have caused me to refocus on my weight.

I signed up at an all women's gym for a really good deal and attended a Zumba class. It was fun but I was not prepared for all the moves. I felt like I was part of a really disfunctional dance troop with me being the worst. The instructor was very good and really knew how to shake her thing to the music. I skipped Sunday but worked out M-W, had to skip today because of my schedule and will work out again tomorrow and Saturday.

I got weighed on Monday which is always nice and was told that I was in the "overweight" category and that my body fat was 35%. I really was not prepared for that. Then, she measured me. So the dietician told me to target getting down 15 pounds while building muscle at the same time. She told me to do 4 to 5 days of cardio which I hate and 2 of those days to include weight training. I was thrilled for some odd reason to learn that I measured a whole quarter inch taller than what I thought. I am 5'6 and a 1/4". I always thought I was just plain 5'6". That additional 1/4 inch probably kept me out of the "obese" category.

What I found really facinating was a poster on the wall in the dietician's office of a female body without skin. It was a mass of muscle and sinew and bones. For some reason this image comforts me. Too often I think women forget that we are flesh and bone and not just an image. So now when I work out I imagine muscles stretching and slightly tearing in order to build up stronger and leaner. I don't like to look in the mirrored walls but I force myself to in order to remind myself why I am there.

On Wednesday I attended an aerobic weight training class. If I go to hell, this will be the place. I should also mention that I woke up at 4:50 am to attend the 5:30am class. I could not find my keys (under my purse) and arrived just as the class was starting. I was jolted into bright lights, hard wooden floors and really loud pulsating music. To make matters worse, I discovered that I had to grab one of the "steps" for stepping and I did not know how to assemble the base. I won't bore you with the routines- just know that it was hard as hell. I did sweat a lot and felt good afterward but man... I need to build up my endurance before I attempt that again.

They only weigh once a month which is kind of good. I also have been eating 4 times a day- all relatively small meals or snacks. It' s hard to remember to eat that often but it's helping me to not have those ravenous moments, especially when I get home from work. What has been toughest is not having any wine. I LOVE wine. It totally relaxes me but I know I need to lay off for a while to minimize my calories.

I will keep you posted.

C.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Wouldn't It Be Great If...

If I could work from home again?

In addition to wanting to start my own business, I would love to be able to work from home for a different company that appreciates me and the work that I do. But then, maybe that is the heart of my problem? I am expecting- no wanting a company to appreciate me when I should just concentrate on appreciating myself so that I CAN work from home and on my own terms.

I think for me the fantasy is for to go into work and say "someone else has hired me", like a scorned lover. To say, "someone else wants me". So there! But the words would fall on stone faces and debris filled ears would filter out everything but the necessary. This is what it is really about for me. Wanting to be wanted. On so many different levels.

So I go back and review my goals. I have a lot to learn in the way of changing my mind set. I know it can be done because I have done it, more than once. I changed to leave a broken marriage, I changed to go to graduate school so I could stand firmer on my own two feet. I changed to allow myself to be open, to stop playing the victim and what I intended to have happen, happened. Without a specific plan, just with intention and faith I was able to make the changes. Logically I have proven it can be done, that I can do it. But I find it so hard to get back into that space of just "letting go". It's more seductive to stay mired in the rut I have made for myself. But inch by inch, I am beginning to shift again and this time I hope it's full swing in the direction I want to be in for the rest of my life- forward. To be self reliant, confident and sure of my strengths. To know that I can manifest what I dream and ensure that the dreams are positive dreams.

I am feeling strangely powerful this morning. As if I could create anything right now.

What will you create today?

C