Can Someone Please Make a Voodoo Doll of me and Kick My A__?

I am bored to tears at work. I am grateful to have a job, yes. But cannot help but feel irresponsible for not doing something else ( I was going to say "more" but it's not more I need, it's different). I know all about the need to take action. Take Action! Now! Your time is NOW! Shouting doesn't help matters because clearly I am still sitting here, typing this blog. I am like my young son who often tunes me out when I shout. Can't say I blame him. We shout when we are exasperated. When we feel we have no other tools to use.

It's the quiet subtleties, the undertones, the wily inspiration that stays hidden from our everyday focus. This is what drives me crazy. I feel lazy and lethargic and tired of myself. But I feel this way because I get jolts of optimism. And then crash, and then back up again. It's not healthy.

I sit in meetings and have to be prodded to respond to some inane question that is asked of me. It's not fair to them. I just don't belong here yet I sit here and type? Productive I am not.

I am reading Margaret Roach's "and I shall have some peace there". I found it at the book store the other day while shopping for my daughter's SAT book. I sat down and read 20 pages of it. The book is about her leaving a high paying corporate job to live full time at her farm house and tend her garden. She did not have some big epiphany (thank goodness because I would be furious if she did, so jealous would I be!) or experience any kind of crisis such as a layoff or health scare. I have not gotten to the core of why yet as I am still reading the beginning stage where she is explaining how she had to try and separate from her old identity. The woman who always worked for someone else, always had a title and there she was- untethered. No job and a fear of prying open her "real" self. I will let you know how it goes. I like it so far.

So I am going now. Poke me a few times today, will you? Remind me that I need to be doing something else, anything else than what I am currently doing.

Thanks a million.

Happy Friday

Man, am I glad it's Friday! The weather is getting so much better here in Florida. It's making me restless and wanting to head to the beach, which we may do tomorrow.

My oldest daughter is sitting for her SAT's tomorrow. I remember doing the same thing more than 20 years ago on a breezy Connecticut morning, feeling nervous and anxious. My grades were always very good but I was not a big reader back then. As a result, my English scores were not a high as they could have been. I still got into a good college.

I question the point of college these days. If this last few rough economic years have taught us anything it is that now more than ever, we need to become more self reliant. Self employment to me, is the deal young people should strive for. But let me qualify that. If what they love to do does not require a traditional employer, then they should seek self employment. If, however, they fell called to serve the public, then they should pursue that. My point is that college should not be a requirement for success. It often isn't.

So, my daughter is applying to colleges. Not for a career, not for a future, not for any of the old reasons. She's applying because she just wants to. She has no major in mind, is not overly social, she just wants to study. I believe that was the original purpose of college- higher learning. And I really admire her for that.

My growing up experience was that you had "better to this or bad things will happen". You will end up living in a van down by the river, or if you live in Florida you will don a orange reflective vest and pan handle for change. Not without it's ingenuity or charm I might add. Now a days, she could live on an organic, self sustaining farm....in a solar powered van, down by the river. Or she could be an entrepreneur and vie for angel investors in the form of kind souls who deposit change in her jar as she stands on the medium in her signature orange vest. I am kidding, but only kind of. My goal is for her not to buy in to the false promises I bought into at her age. I wished I had worked less and had more fun. Traveled more, studied less and loved more. It's about richer experiences rather than a richer bank account.

What say you?