Thursday, October 8, 2009

Wouldn't It Be Great If...

If I could work from home again?

In addition to wanting to start my own business, I would love to be able to work from home for a different company that appreciates me and the work that I do. But then, maybe that is the heart of my problem? I am expecting- no wanting a company to appreciate me when I should just concentrate on appreciating myself so that I CAN work from home and on my own terms.

I think for me the fantasy is for to go into work and say "someone else has hired me", like a scorned lover. To say, "someone else wants me". So there! But the words would fall on stone faces and debris filled ears would filter out everything but the necessary. This is what it is really about for me. Wanting to be wanted. On so many different levels.

So I go back and review my goals. I have a lot to learn in the way of changing my mind set. I know it can be done because I have done it, more than once. I changed to leave a broken marriage, I changed to go to graduate school so I could stand firmer on my own two feet. I changed to allow myself to be open, to stop playing the victim and what I intended to have happen, happened. Without a specific plan, just with intention and faith I was able to make the changes. Logically I have proven it can be done, that I can do it. But I find it so hard to get back into that space of just "letting go". It's more seductive to stay mired in the rut I have made for myself. But inch by inch, I am beginning to shift again and this time I hope it's full swing in the direction I want to be in for the rest of my life- forward. To be self reliant, confident and sure of my strengths. To know that I can manifest what I dream and ensure that the dreams are positive dreams.

I am feeling strangely powerful this morning. As if I could create anything right now.

What will you create today?


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