Monday, December 22, 2008

The Urge

Here it is. Before your very own eyes. My first blog!

I am resisting the urge to just sit blankly in front of my laptop and surf random sites over and over until my eyes glaze over. Such a waste of time. I spend far too much time doing this.

Tonight I watched a movie entitled "The Women". It was a story about a woman that lost touch with herself in the midst of a marriage and raising a child. Her husband cheats on her and as a result, she wakes up to her life. Through her pain she finds the courage to reconnect with her authentic self, her inner spark as a clothing designer. Her daughter gains a new appreciation and respect for her mother. Husband wants the chance to get to know her again. Happily ever after. Uh huh.

I would like to be able to someday inspire my own children as well. I feel very mediocre but then who wouldn't after you just watched a movie about a beautiful woman whose friends all shop at Saks? I want my children (hell myselef! ) To find the thing they love most and also have the courage to do it and do it with all that's within them. I am not sure how to do this. I have been struggling for years to "discover" my true talents, my "gifts" or simply my purpose. I think I have been ignoring what's right in front of me. My family. If I truly place them first in the context of what is most important, I think the rest would follow. Yes, I know that I know that "I" am supposed to come first but the reality is that putting yourself first when you are married with children results in very confusing, soul wrenching years of trying to discover "who you really are". Yes, I have a quite the collection of the ol' self help genre of books. Most of which have done me no good. It is good to turn to them but when I am truly feeling down and out the book I return to again and again is "Woman Hollering Creek" by Sandra Cisneros. Her writing is so raw and real that it pierces me every time. Wakes me up a little but then- I am a very sleepy person.

Sorry if this is a little heavy tone readers. Be gentle, I am a beginner. It's also what you get when I do not have any wine in my system. My stomach will not stand for it tonight and I thought it only proper to be completely sober for my first post. Better to make a good impression. Fortunately I will have lots of opportunity to unimpress you.


1 comment:

  1. I'm impressed and I'm glad you decided to start a blog. Yay! I get to be your first commenter! Good luck.