Friday, August 21, 2009

A Scale of Proportions

I stepped on the scale today for the first time since October 2008 when I was at my doctor's office. I weigh 180 lbs.

Getting on the scale has always been difficult for me. I weighed 165lbs in highschool when most girls my age weighed under 120 lbs. I am not a big eater but clearly I do make the wrong choices sometimes and so I gain weight and keep it on for a long time.

I weigh the most I have ever weighed, even when I was 9 months pregnant with each of my three children. To be sure, I have been in a state of denial. It's just easier to buy a bigger pair of pants. But I do feel terrible, not just esthetically, but physically as well. I have almost constant lower back pain and horrible digestion issues. I feel bloated and stuffed and when I look at pictures of me that were taken on our vacation last week, it looks as if I ate my former self. My face is swollen looking- it looks as if I had my tonsils out.

Since highschool, I have always been able to lose weight and keep it off. 145-150 lbs is normal for me since I am 5'6" and curvy. This past two years I have just lived in constant denial about my weight. I am tempted to go on a crash diet just to get some of it off but I feel too weak to even try. In the past I would weigh myself obsessively until the weight came off. So this time, I have no baby to show for my weight gain- just a belly and hips full of blubber, all ready large breasts that have swelled another cup size, and a pretty face hidden under bloated cheeks.

How do I start? If I listed here what I normally ate you would think "how did she get to 180 lbs??" I don't snack, I don't chow down on chips or cookies or candy. Cooking has always been a love of mine and I like watch most of the cooking shows so I end up using too much oil and butter for what I need. And I love, love red wine. I would rather have a great glass of red wine then eat dinner most nights. But usually I end up doing both. I look and feel like a marshmallow.

I know I need to start NOW but don't want to because dieting is hard and weight loss for me is slow. But I am writing to set a goal and more importantly keep myself accountable.

My goal for the week of 8/24/09

Weigh 170 by Friday, 8/28/09

Goal for week of 8/31/09

Weigh 165

Goal for week of 9/6/09

Weigh 160

Goal for week of 9/13/09

Weigh 155

Goal for week of 9/20/09

Weigh 150

Goal for week of 9/27/09

Weigh 145 ** Goal **

Check to see if back pain is gone, if digestion is regulated, if bra size is down.

Buena Suerte!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog and for the nice comment.. Good luck...and don't be too hard on yourself.... French Women Don't Get Fat book along with walking everyday really helped me....