I stepped on the scale today for the first time since October 2008 when I was at my doctor's office. I weigh 180 lbs.
Getting on the scale has always been difficult for me. I weighed 165lbs in highschool when most girls my age weighed under 120 lbs. I am not a big eater but clearly I do make the wrong choices sometimes and so I gain weight and keep it on for a long time.
I weigh the most I have ever weighed, even when I was 9 months pregnant with each of my three children. To be sure, I have been in a state of denial. It's just easier to buy a bigger pair of pants. But I do feel terrible, not just esthetically, but physically as well. I have almost constant lower back pain and horrible digestion issues. I feel bloated and stuffed and when I look at pictures of me that were taken on our vacation last week, it looks as if I ate my former self. My face is swollen looking- it looks as if I had my tonsils out.
Since highschool, I have always been able to lose weight and keep it off. 145-150 lbs is normal for me since I am 5'6" and curvy. This past two years I have just lived in constant denial about my weight. I am tempted to go on a crash diet just to get some of it off but I feel too weak to even try. In the past I would weigh myself obsessively until the weight came off. So this time, I have no baby to show for my weight gain- just a belly and hips full of blubber, all ready large breasts that have swelled another cup size, and a pretty face hidden under bloated cheeks.
How do I start? If I listed here what I normally ate you would think "how did she get to 180 lbs??" I don't snack, I don't chow down on chips or cookies or candy. Cooking has always been a love of mine and I like watch most of the cooking shows so I end up using too much oil and butter for what I need. And I love, love red wine. I would rather have a great glass of red wine then eat dinner most nights. But usually I end up doing both. I look and feel like a marshmallow.
I know I need to start NOW but don't want to because dieting is hard and weight loss for me is slow. But I am writing to set a goal and more importantly keep myself accountable.
My goal for the week of 8/24/09
Weigh 170 by Friday, 8/28/09
Goal for week of 8/31/09
Goal for week of 9/6/09
Goal for week of 9/13/09
Goal for week of 9/20/09
Goal for week of 9/27/09
Weigh 145 ** Goal **
Check to see if back pain is gone, if digestion is regulated, if bra size is down.