Today

As I drove to work today, I had those same thoughts again. Thoughts about quitting my job.

My plan is to actually make a plan and follow it. Sounds simple right? If I let fear control me instead of harness me, then I will not be able make the progress that I need to. No "goals" really just a deep desire to change, radically. To say "why not?" instead of "how?".

My thoughts are to quit and withdraw my small pension to pay off some debts. It's not pragmatic, certainly not responsible in the traditional sense. So far, nothing else has worked for me. I read and plan and scheme. I even say it out loud but I seem to just talk around the edges of what I want to do instead of just doing it. I have already posted about wanting to take better care of my family and myself. I still do. Part of me believes that if I take good care of my home it will take care of me. I really believe that. Why not? (I really want to say how....)

Another police officer was shot and killed last night. This after two other officers died last month. I worry so much for my husband, now more than ever. It makes me question what I am doing with my life.