Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Safe Place

This blog is my safe place for me to put my feelings into words.  It also gives me an opportunity to go back and reflect on what I have written, a month ago, a year ago.   It's really revelatory.

In February of last year I wrote a post about what I really wanted to be doing.  By a series of unfortunate but synchronistic events, what I wrote more than a year ago has become an actual reality.  It    actually shocked me to go back and read the words I wrote.

I had written that I wished I could be home full time, taking care of my children, my home and my garden.  This is exactly what I have been doing for the past four months and it has been wonderful.  I am grateful every single day for the opportunity to be home.   I do not ever want to return to the way things were, not with a job, not with my marriage and not with myself.  

I do not ever want to work for anyone ever again.   I want to do the work I was born to do and be handsomely paid for it.   I want the freedom to pay for whatever I need or want.   I want to be the owner of my own time.   And for the most part, I am.

It has been a long process for me.   Being away from my  job for several months has been both liberating and terrifying.   Liberating in that I am living my dream of working on what I want to do and spending a lot of time with my children.  Terrifying in that I made the choice to leave a job that was terrible for me, an albatross that I have had trouble removing.   This comes from the conditioning that most people my age have received around expectations and fear.   Fear has been the big one for me, even though I know deep down how brave I am.    I have accomplished and overcome so much in my life and it's easy to overlook these things because feeling unsafe or uncomfortable is so painfully familiar.

I am committed to sticking with my becoming an entrepreneur, of creating multiple, profitable income streams that allow me and my family to have the lifestyle I envision.

The lifestyle I envision appears before me as living at the beach, in Treasure Island, Florida.  I see myself shopping at the Publix there, walking on the beach with my husband and family and walking to eat at the nearby restaurants.   I see a thriving consulting practice that focuses on helping women embrace introversion and leveraging it for success.    I see myself teaching and guiding hundreds, thousands of women virtually, one on one or in front of large audiences.   I see myself travelling to participate in speaking engagements or to hold special classes or workshops.  I see a brand new white SUV and driving around in comfort.   I see myself with finding new ways to create money, buckets in a stream of money wealth.   I see myself volunteering and donating money to causes that help women be successful.  That teach, that enlighten.  I see myself part of a wonderful tribe of beautiful, smart, loving women.  Living in the mountains part of the year in a comfortable home, the ability to visit my family as often as I want.

Lots of love and affection from my husband, great sex life, intimate and connected.  Loving relationships with my self sufficient, successful children.   Most of all loving myself.

Plenty of cash, comfortable homes and cars, great meals and experiences, wonderful relaxing or stimulating trips.   A peaceful life.

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